Making space

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Last night, I called the sitter and went to see Janet Jackson in concert. I’m glad I did. At one point I had to sit down and take it all in. Give myself permission to be an adult for the night.

I feel like moving here put me back in the place when I was first navigating being a single parent. Figuring out how to find the balance between giving the boy what he needs and also taking time for myself. It was a difficult transition and it’s challenging to be back in that space where I’m struggling to figure out the juggle of it all.

Part of the challenge for me is having to get used to asking for help. As a single parent, you get used to doing things on your own. You learn how to hustle and make it work. I got used to figuring things out on my own back home. Here, it’s been hard for me to let others help me, but I’m learning. It’s new to me also to ask for help. I’ve had to realize that I can’t always figure out things on my own and I’m learning how to navigate single parenthood here in Tokyo. Learning how to make space for myself while making sure the boy has what he needs as well. Still a learning process, but I’m making it work.

Last night, I danced and sang unabashedly. I screamed and cheered Janet on while she slayed the stage as her waist-length weave blew in the wind of her strategically placed fans on stage.

I forget to do that sometimes, and I miss it.

I’m trying to figure out how to make last night happen more often. I know that taking care of myself is part of taking care of my child. I know that I am no good to him if I am all over the place and have no means of an outlet. It’s time I make space for myself again.

I am proud of myself and the tiny accomplishments that have happened since moving here. Life here is still a work in progress, but we are making it work.

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